I haven’t been blogging much details about becoming a grandmother because it has not been an easy road so far. Having a daughter that you love dearly and are very close to have a baby before she is in any way ready for one, is very stressful. My daughter lives with her boyfriend who thinks cleaning, cooking and any thing to do with taking care of a baby is “woman’s work” and refuses to help her with any of it. He is also very emotionally abusive, talks to her and treats her like crap a good 70 to 80% of the time. For three years now, they have had a very rocky relationship and we (her family) have listened to her cry over and over and begged her to get out of it. Well, now there is a baby involved and things are even worse. I can’t even tell you how this breaks my heart. Every time she calls me crying, I get upset and cry. Then I worry, it’s all I can think about all day and night. Some times I have to get out of bed and pace. Then the next day I call her and they are all happy again. But it never lasts, sure as shit she calls me again crying with in a day or two and things are bad. And it starts all again. To make things even harder the baby cries a lot. I can hear her over the phone screaming, not just little baby cries but screaming hard. I am not sure if she needs her formula changed again or if she is going to have colic or what? I have no idea what to do!
All I know is that I love them both with all of my heart but things have been pretty darn stressful. Some times I feel that it is taking over my whole life, and I can’t do that. I still have an eight year old to take care of. And now I feel guilty for complaining about it.
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I know you and your daughter are very close, but doesn’t she have a gf she can turn to? It’s very hard to put you in that position, and then expect you to have any relationship with her bf. I know I personally never complained about hubby to my mother. Her response if I ever started, was “You made your bed now lie in it.” While that isn’t the answer for everyone, it would seem to me that your daughter should either kick him to the curb, or stop crying about it. I know I tend to take a hard line, and I’ve done the same with my own grown children. She’s not accomplishing anything by phoning and crying to you. All she’s doing is upsetting you and your household, and that’s not fair, considering she’s un willing to do anything about it herself. I’d suggest counselling, or deal.
As for the baby, I’m guessing she could just be picking up on the stress in the household.
Jenn,
As a former abuse victim, she will leave when she hits her bottom, kinda like an alcoholic.
Abused women will find their end, and no amount of begging by family will make them leave sooner.
Just stay strong, keep telling her you love her, be there for her no matter how often she calls.
The next call she makes may be the one where she says mom, come get me.
I know this is tough, but this was me 14 years ago. I had to find out on my own that I was worth more.
I did and I left with both boys in my arms.
((((hugs))) stay strong and loving, she’ll need your strength when the time comes to leave.
You seem to be going through a really hard time right now, and I can’t even begin to imagine how that feels. I truly hope things get better for you guys, and that , and don’t feel bad for complaining; everybody needs to vent once and a while.
Sorry sweetie!!! She is probably not going to leave for a while. She just had the baby, and is probably dealing with a bit of depression and maybe some low self esteem...which will not help her in leaving him.
As far as the baby, I can TOTALLY understand. Ashton cried 24/7 for the first 8 months and that alone is enough to completely stress a relationship. If you need to chat about any of that, or hear about some of the things that helped us...let me know!!!
I hope it all works out for her and your beautiful grandbaby. Once upon a time about okay about 4-5 years ago I was in her shoes and I know how it feels from the other end. Luckily for us we both grew up and have two healthy happy boys now and I wouldn’t trade those rough times for anything because it has made me a stronger person, she will come out of this stronger and be able to handle anything that comes at her. Kind of off the wall but it has been my experience when I was in that situation. Hey even my husband grew up and is wonderful with the kids and everything now, maybe her boyfriend will step up!
Jenn, I am so sorry are having such a hard time. I can’t even imagine. I wish I had some words of wisdom. I’m thinking of you…
I wish I had some magic pill for Bethany to take so she would *see* what’s happening and had the strength to do what is best. Hang in there Jenn. You all will get through this. *hugs*
Oh no Jen… This does not sound like a good thing at all. I hope that Bethany will soon see the light - sometimes having a child will “wake you up” to things. She will want her daughter to be in good healthy environment.
I’ll be thinking of her.
Oh, I’m so sorry...I didn’t realize she (and therefore, you) were in a situation like that. How awful. I hope she is able to see that she and the baby would be better off without him, and get out on their own. I will be thinking about you all.
Jenn I’m so sorry you’re having to go through all this worry. I had no idea what kind of man she is with. I pray that she’ll find the strength to be done with a man like that. Do they argue around the baby? Cause she might feel that tension/anger and it could be causing her to cry the way you described. :( *big hugs*